Bueller?: NICU Nurses

I have mentally written this blog millions of times. Usually at 2:00 in the morning when I'm feeding a baby, in the car on the way to drop Charlie off at school, or in the shower (but lets be honest I rarely have time to shower these days!). I think about them all the time. On day one NICU nurses are strangers. They know nothing about your life or how you ended up with twins in the NICU and you know nothing about them. But that all that changes quickly. Soon enough they've heard your entire pregnancy and delivery story, they know your parents names, your birth place, and how you met your husband. They know where you were meant to "celebrate" the holidays but now will be surviving them in the NICU. They know what you look like with your shirt up because you're pumping in front of them multiple times a day, what you look like when you cry, and what you look like when you're feeling helpless. When you've survived a difficult delivery and after 48 hours are finally able to make it to the NICU to see your babies only to be confined to your wheel chair, they know what you look like at your lowest. They know what your hopeful face looks like when a doctor tells you things are going well and how disappointed you can feel when you're told progress has taken two steps back. They know what your voice sounds like but not what you look like when you call to check in on your babies at 9:00 PM to discuss how the first night feeding went that day. They know how you like to take pictures and accomodate you by finding a portable oxygen tank so that your twins can lay together in the same bed if for only a moment to capture their tiny faces touching. They sit with you and discuss the best brands of blush and eye liner available at Sephora reminding you that they are people too. And then they begin to tell you about themselves. They tell you about their mother who is in hospice and how they stayed up all night taking care of their sick toddler only to come to work at 7:00AM for their 12 hour shift. They tell you about how they'll be celebrating Christmas on December 23rd because they're working Christmas Eve and Christmas. But they're not complaining. They say it with a smile on their face and remind you that they got to celebrate with their family last year as if that's supposed to be good enough. They offer up their college daughter's babysitting services when you need someone to watch your toddler so you can visit your twins in the NICU. They tell you they will take care of your children as their own and they meant it. And you believe it.

The night I went into labor in the hospital I spoke to God. I prayed and I promised him that if he stood by me and helped me safely deliver the twins 10 weeks early, I would practice patience and understanding throughout our time spent in the NICU. I knew it was going to be emotional and exhausting but that I would trust the nurses and doctors to protect our babies and get them home safely. The twins were born the following morning via C-section and while it was less than routine, I did survive it. And after I was released from the hospital I began my six and a half week adventure at the NICU. I won't deny I had moments of grief, moments where I felt guilty I couldn't stay pregnant for longer so that our babies weren't fighting to thrive in the world this soon, but most of the time I felt calm. I felt cared for and heard. I left each day taking comfort in the fact that I knew the nurses could take care of our children better than I could at this stage in their lives. And the longer we stayed, the more I relished just how incredible NICU nurses are. There are not enough Starbucks gift cards or boxes of doughnuts in the world to thank them for what they do every day. How do you thank someone who kept your children alive, nurtured and cared for until they grew healthy enough to bring them home? I thank God every day that there are people in this world who are willing to sacrifice time with their own families to take care of mine. They are angels and they are wonderful. If you ever have the opportunity to meet a NICU nurse give them a hug for me and my family. Thank them and buy them a doughnut. They deserve it.