Asserting Independence

I have a highly sensitive 18 month old.  As long as we've been going to music class, gym class, and regular play dates, I've noticed Charlie's temperament in group settings.  He is cautious and very observant.  In music he rarely participates in the singing, clapping, or dancing. At times you wonder if he's even enjoying himself at all.  Then at home I'll notice him dancing, singing, and repeating movements introduced by Ms. Tonya during class weeks before.  During play dates and birthday parties he usually doesn't feel comfortable playing or leaving my lap until we're reading to pack up and head home.  I did some research months ago and discovered that the highly sensitive child is a temperament.  In fact around 12% of the population would be categorized as being highly sensitive.   There's a great book by Elaine Aron that does a good job of explaining this temperament and also how to nourish children with what they need to be successful later in life.  As a non highly sensitive person, this can, at times, be especially difficult for me.  Reading the book has definitely helped give me tools to set Charlie up for success.  Not only that, but pretty much every man in my life is highly sensitive so I have lots of people to go to for advice!  It's been a great learning experience in how to relate to people who are different from me.  The learning continues!

It's interesting how my understanding or lack of understanding goes in waves.  This past week has been rough.  I have an 18 month old who I know is highly sensitive and I try to come at every situation with the knowledge of what that means in the back of my head.  However sometimes I struggle with how to react to certain behaviors.  Recently he seems to be asserting his independence and knowledge that he can say no, throw a tantrum, or refuse something.  How far to push?  When to force?  When to give in?  Sigh.  The joys of motherhood!  Our biggest battle happens at nap time.  You'd think there were sharks in his crib waiting to gobble him up with how frantically he tries to wrap himself around my leg and dig his fingernails into my back to keep from being swallowed up whole.  Once I'm able to pry him off my body he screams bloody murder and refuses to lay down.  This from the kid who has loved napping in his own crib since he was 5 months old!  Yesterday he screamed for TWO HOURS.  He refused to lay down, fell asleep standing up only to be startled awake and scream again.  I finally had to rock him to sleep.  Took 30 minutes of rocking for him to take a 40 minute nap.  By 4:00 I was ready for a glass of wine.  

He is very communicative, but I wish he could formulate the words to express what is going through his head.  I don't know if he's struggling with separation anxiety (which he has had since he was about 8 months old), if he had a bad dream and is now afraid, or if he just knows it's something he can fight me on now.  As the parent of a highly sensitive kid I am constantly reminded that my reaction to a situation can make or break the way the rest of the conflict unfolds.  One misstep and I have a full fledge tantrum on my hands.  Today I tried bribery.  It worked with his diaper changes.  I gave him a sticker if he would let me change him without crying.  Success!  Nap time bribery, unsuccessful.  

As I write this, Charlie did finally lay down.  I feel like I won the lottery.  LIVING THE DREAM!  Now if only he could explain to me why he chose to give in...

As crazy and overwhelming as his recent tantrums have been, he is also the sweetest, kindest, most loving kid on the planet.  This is him playing peek-a-boo in the bathtub last night.  Love those baby blues!

Today we went to Little Monkey Bizness.  A few weeks ago he was too timid to go down this slide by himself.  Not today!  I was so proud of him.

This is his new favorite book.  If you have a toddler or young kids it's a great one!  It's called, "Press Here" and it's an interactive story.  The books asks you to do different things like clapping (Charlie in the pic), pressing dots, shaking the book, or blowing on it and you turn the page to see the result.  Pretty cool!