I wish there was a word that encompassed what it feels like to be genuinely elated for your husband because he rocks at his job and got yet ANOTHER promotion, yet conversely, utterly terrified because it means you have to give up your job in two weeks to move an hour and a half away from your dearest friends and family to live in the mountains where you know no one. In short: I'm overwhelmed.
They say God doesn't ever throw anything your way that you can't handle. I always believed that about OTHER people and their problems:-) But I thought I was at problem max capacity about four problems ago. In fact I started this blog because I was having trouble "handling things." And now my present self is laughing at that past self thinking, "You thought THAT was bad a few weeks ago. CHECK THIS OUT! Now you're moving to the mountains in the winter, you hate snow, and you don't ski! Now, you're going to be jobless and forced to take up knitting! Now you're going to have to pack up your house after six months of unpacking and start all over again! It's like being punched out in a boxing ring. I'm done. I'm out. I see stars. Someone drag me out of the ring, cover my wounds with Vaseline to stop the bleeding, and squirt water in my mouth until I regain consciousness. Is that dramatic enough for you?! It's OK, this is free therapy, remember? I'm allowed to sound crazy during therapy so that I don't DO anything crazy. I hope it's working!
Seriously though, I can rationalize the move and know it is a good thing. I am so proud of my husband and his career success. It's great for our family and hopefully one day we'll have children to guilt trip about how hard this journey has been! They might need the REAL therapy:-)
Logistically, It's going to be tough. I am supposed to complete my transfer October 18th-19th which means for the next month I will be doing daily injections, estrogen patches, and suppositories (gross). I was hoping for some hormonal stability during this process, but no such luck. I'll need two days of bed rest after the transfer, so let's hope the movers don't charge extra for moving a bed complete with a psychotic pregnant lady inside.
I have two weeks to pack up my classroom and say goodbye to my students. I'll probably care more about saying goodbye to them, then they will be to say adios to me. Let's face it, you remember about two things from these early years and I'll be lucky if one of their memories includes me! But, saying goodbye to my colleagues is going to be a whole lot harder than I originally thought. I already had the "talk" with my boss. She could not have been more supportive and that means the world to me. I've had teary eyed conversations with a few close friends from work, and know saying our actual goodbyes will be difficult. At least I know I'll be back at the end of April to pack up my classroom and visit.
Then there are the friends that are nearly impossible to say goodbye to. Friends who you've spent hours planning for the future with. Friends you have consoled through the toughest times in their lives and who have stood beside you through your darkest hours. Irreplaceable friends. Obviously, I don't want to be overly dramatic about it (too late??). I'm moving an hour and a half away, not traveling to Tallahassee, Florida! But friends are everything, and I will miss mine dearly. It isn't until they're being taken away that you are forced to realize how much they define who you are and who you strive to be. No matter how detailed our plans for the future, sometimes you don't get to call the shots. It will be difficult to begin this journey without you guys (you know who you are!) but know that I love you and I've put Rick in charge of finding a three bedroom place for you:-)
This is probably not a blog you should keep reading if you're looking for uplifting stories involving puppies or rainbows! Although I promise to write just such a post the day I find out I'm pregnant! As for now, I've just lost control of a lot of things in my life, and for you Virgos out there you know just how horrifying that is. I really do appreciate the calming effects of blog writing. And I plan on using it to help me get through these next couple of months and beyond. So bear with me. I am fairly confident I will come out on top! I'm regrouping in my corner of the ring. I'm hydrating and talking strategy with Coach Fendell. Lucky for me, he's great at the pep talks.
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